What do you do when you finally start feeling better after being tormented by a life-threatening illness? Buy a racehorse, of course.
At least that’s what author and survivor Steven Melen did one sunny weekend when things finally began looking up. Gastric cancer took its toll on him physically, but otherwise, he felt stronger than ever; the filly’s name seemed like a sign to seize the day and embrace each new dawn.
Meanwhile, we seized the chance to talk to Melen, who tells us more of his story, his memoir Killer Graces (our review), and explains that while labels like the aforementioned “survivor” can seem limiting, if you turn them on their head, they become limitless in their power to help others.
Q: Your memoir and your racehorse share the name, Killer Graces. Why name the book after this chestnut filly?
A: When I bought into this filly I really had no clue about the challenges, expenses and thrills I would face. The green light came nine years ago when I was starting to feel a bit better thanks to my cancer treatments and recovery. All I knew about the horse was her name; little did I know I would go on to win a Grade 1 race, which many don’t do during an entire career in horse racing. The excitement gave me a taste of life that I never thought I would get, pushing me to do more in case I didn’t have a future. Later, when writing the book, the name perfectly fit the graces I received from some potentially killer times in my life.
Q: You’ve said that you like to look at your issues as “challenges” rather than “problems.” Where did this approach to obstacles come from and why is it important to make this distinction?
A: I consider the word “problems” a very negative one. Everyone has obstacles and choices every day of their life, but if I classified all obstacles as “problems” I think I would be paralyzed with fear.
The new approach came after the first year of cancer recovery. It seemed like one problem after the next, but I also seemed to make it through. I would look back a day, week, or month, and what I thought was too big to overcome ended up in my rearview mirror. I realized that all the worry prior to each issue was actually a complete waste of my energy. So, I started to really believe that I could get through the challenge and would be better without the stress.
Q: Although the survival rate for gastric cancer has somewhat improved since your diagnosis 13 years ago, the odds of survival still aren’t great. That said, how do you approach your work with Debbie’s Dream Foundation, mentoring people newly diagnosed with this disease?
A: Yes, the odds have improved, but the average five-year survival rate is still only in the 30 percent range, and that includes stages 1-4. The higher the stage, the lower the odds. I do know some people with higher staging who are doing well after five years. It’s hard not to want a life without the label “survivor” or “in recovery,” but then I meet others newly diagnosed and hear or see how well they respond to witnessing my improvement. From friends and family to doctors, all say it’s miraculous that I’m here and doing so well. I have the opportunity to pass that hope on to others; the feedback is my reward.
Q: Your daughter, Mia, was a major source of motivation to persevere during your recovery. Can you talk about experiencing fatherhood while confronted with a grim cancer diagnosis and struggling with addiction?
A: I was barely holding on several times. Giving up was an option, but I wasn’t going to choose that one. During both cancer and addiction recovery, I would go to bed wondering how much more I could take and wake up with the pain yet again. I had one child, and more kids weren’t in the plan, so I really didn’t want to leave her with only memories of a dad being sick all the time. I faked smiles and energy for a long time before it became real.
Q: The subtitle of your memoir is “my path from pain to power and breakthrough living.” How would you describe “breakthrough living?” What does this look like for you currently?
A: Breakthrough living came with the switch from seeing darkness to seeing colors, life, a present, and a future that was and is very good. I see everything differently now. Trees, animals and people all took on more life and energy; I seem to see more beauty now in all things. I also have become less judgmental of people and seem to understand what’s behind their words and actions. I think that almost everyone creates a persona that they want the world to see that doesn’t always match their true self.
Q: What advice do you have for individuals currently navigating challenges similar to those you struggled with?
A: There are a lot of clichés I could use that are actually very accurate: don’t sweat the small stuff, this too shall pass, mind over matter, etc. But I’ll add that nothing has worked out exactly as planned. Everything was harder than I thought, but the work was all worth it. I would do it all again just to be where I am now.
Killer Graces is available for purchase. To learn more about Steve Melen, visit his BookTrib author profile page and check out our Facebook Live interview with him here.
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About Steve Melen:
Steve Melen has been a financial advisor working at a few of the largest firms in the San Francisco Bay Area for the past 28 years. Personally dabbling in side ventures from restaurants to racehorses has given him a taste of life outside the financial services industry.
