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In the 1950s, baby boomer Donna Solecka Urbikas grew up in the American Midwest yearning for a “normal” American family. But during World War II, her Polish-born mother and half-sister had endured hunger, disease and a desperate escape from slave labor in Siberia. War and exile created a profound bond between mother and older daughter, one that Donna would struggle to find with either of them.

In her unforgettable memoir, My Sister’s Mother: A Memoir of War, Exile, and Stalin’s Siberia (University of Wisconsin Press) Donna recounts her family history and her own survivor story, finally understanding the damaged mother who had saved her sister. Says Allen Paul, author of Katyn: Stalin’s Massacre and the Triumph of Truth, it’s “a primer for all who seek to understand the harrowing journey of Poles during this fateful period.”

We sat down to ask Donna some questions about the book and her own personal backstory, and she was kind enough to be as vulnerable here with us as she was in the pages of her book. 

Q: Tell us briefly how your mother and half-sister were found by the Secret Police and sent off to Siberia.  ​

A: They knew about them since my sister’s father had fought against the Soviets in the 1920 Battle of Warsaw and my mother’s brother also fought in that battle. That’s how they ended up living in the new Eastern Poland (today Belarus) when her brother was awarded land and they farmed it. She inherited the farm upon her brother’s early death which also made her a landowner; those were targets to the Soviets.

Q: What effect did what happened to them have on you? 

A: Though I was born after the war (in England) and grew up in America, my mother never stopped talking about what had happened to them during the war. So, while I was trying to just be a “normal” American girl, I was constantly being faced with WWII stories. Thus I didn’t have the same relationship with my mother as my sister did, thus, the title of my book, My Sister’s Mother.

Q: Tell us about your relationship with your mother.  

A: ​My relationship with my mother was rather strained, though she tried to be a good mother to me. She very definitely suffered what today we would identify as PTSD, so as a child/teenager I was always cautious around her, like I was walking on eggshells for fear that she would explode into some maddening rage about something.

Q: Why did you write this book and what message do you have for readers? 

A: ​I wrote the book mainly to educate readers, particularly Americans, who are not familiar with that part of WWII history. Most Americans consider the start of WWII in 1941 when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, but Poland had been attacked and ravaged not only by Hitler and Nazi Germany, but also by Stalin’s Russia/Soviet Union. It’s a forgotten “holocaust” and should be included in the narrative of WWII history. My bringing myself into the story adds another layer of how survivors are affected, not only the ones directly, but future generations. War never really ends. We are either recovering from one or trying to avoid the next one. It’s a lesson that needs to be taught in order to hopefully avoid future wars.​

Q: Tell us about the actual writing of the book. How long did it take? What was the most difficult aspect? 

A: ​Though I had wanted my mother to talk with me when I was a young adult, it wasn’t until I became a mother, I think, that she felt that I could understand her journey to save my sister through all that. I interviewed her after I had her on audiotape, and she read the early drafts to review. I did a lot of historical research to make sure the history was correctly depicted. I think the most difficult aspect was trying to use appropriate examples of my relationship with her, and my own challenges, as an example and comparison — to show that I could indeed understand her journey. Overall, with big chunks of time in between (to work and start a family) it took me about 30 years.

Q: What activities are you taking part in these days to honor the memory of your mother, help spread the word about what happened back then, and tell about what is needed so that history doesn’t repeat itself?

A: I have been doing a lot of book presentations as well as talks about related history to educate people. It would be good to have that history incorporated into curricula in high schools and colleges. I am a former teacher and, as long as I can, I plan to teach about all this.

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About Donna Urbikas:

Donna Solecka Urbikas was born in Coventry, England, and immigrated with her parents and sister to Chicago in 1952. She lives in Chicago.

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