DJ Lynn had a simple wish: a life uncomplicated. Instead, she was barely 40 with four failed relationships, a college-age daughter who basically hated her and a witty preteen son with ADD. At the root, she supposed, were the men. Reflection time leads to reaction, which leads to a road trip, which leads to a book called Road Noise (Leaving Madmen).
There was the long-dispatched and unambitious Marley, who preferred surfing to working while waiting out his inheritance. She chalks that one up to the lack of life experience of a 19-year-old. On his heels was Tom, the Armani-wearing womanizer, then Jason, who she couldn’t hate because he had even more scars than she did. But the one who brought her to this point was Jim, a man 10 years younger who loved her just as she was but who just died of leukemia. She decided to flee, and the journey was worth the risk. It gave her an important, life-altering journey and a reinforced bond with her son.
We got to talk to Debbi about her deeper feelings and takeaways from the whole bold experience. Her true love for her son shines through brightly in this conversation. Read our review of the book here.
Q: There are countless memories that you and your son, Steve, made over the course of your three-month road trip. Is there one memory in particular that you find yourself revisiting more than the others?
A: I knew from the start that I wanted to do activities related to each state that we were in, so in some states we fished, some we camped, we went to national monuments, rafting, parks, caves, gem hunting, etc. When we got to New York City I wanted to expose him to art and theater. He was a very technical boy from a young age ― building computers, taking apart electronics, that sort of thing, so I wanted to expose him to artistic things. One of the things we both liked the most was the MOMA, Museum of Modern Art. There was even an installation there about technology gone wrong and we were both fascinated.
Then I got lucky and got tickets to Phantom of the Opera on Broadway and I don’t know how we got so lucky. I got the last two tickets on a Friday night, and they weren’t even in the nosebleed section. He was fascinated by the show and asked me all kinds of questions afterwards. It’s a very visual show but I found it very interesting how much detail that he noticed. When he grew up, he became a software developer and still does that. But he also does a lot of computerized drawing and art.
I think travel is one of the best ways we all learn. We get to see and experience things we would never have the opportunity to in our hometowns, and a trip like this across the country for three months provides a lot of exposure to a lot of different activities people, lifestyles and cultures that give us a better perspective on our lives and the lives of others.
Q: There are a few instances in your book where you recall a mishap that took place on your trip, such as the flooded tent at Yellowstone and the aggressive truck driver. Was there ever one moment in particular that made you question if the trip was a bad idea?
A: There was never one moment that I questioned the trip being a bad idea, even the truck driver incident. That just made me furious. But for the most part there were no other terrible experiences. Yes, I had a meltdown in Yellowstone because of rain but looking back, it seems so silly. My advice for anyone doing this, which seems so obvious now, is to take things in stride. Things are going to go wrong and you just need to laugh about it.
Q: At certain locations, you mention a childhood memory you have of that particular place. Which location were you most excited to revisit with your son?
A: He didn’t seem interested in any of my childhood memories. But when he basically forced me to stop in Hershey, Pennsylvania to go to the amusement park there, it was actually a good thing because I had the opportunity to sit and think for a while about my family, who were all from Pennsylvania and most of whom I’ve never met. When you have kids, even on this kind of trip, it’s a rare thing to have some completely uninterrupted time to yourself. And that day I had several hours to think about my grandparents on my mother’s side, who I barely knew, and all the people I never got to meet on my father’s side because they disowned him at such a young age because of religion.
Q: Similarly, there is some tension in some of your past memories. Was there one place you were hesitant to return to because of this?
A: Two places. I was hesitant to drive through Iowa. That came from a relationship that had just ended very painfully. I also specifically avoided going through Houston, and again that was due to some tragic memories, including a fatal car crash and suicide in my husband’s family years before. I think that was a bit judgmental of me and I think I said that in the book, or at least I tried to, but those memories were still very vivid at that time.
Q: Today, cross-country road trips are often led by the power of a phone-held GPS and the quest for the perfect photograph of a State Park, yet the elements of exploration and adventure are the same. What is some advice for someone planning a trip such as the one you took in 1995?
A: Of course, there’s a lot more technology now that makes a trip like this a whole lot easier. Google Maps would have saved me a lot of traffic congestion, missed turns and switchbacks. On the other hand, I think there is a bit of a drawback to all the social media. Social media is here to stay and it has its place, but I’m actually glad it wasn’t around during my trip or I might have been tempted. I did have an offer before I took off on the trip to document things for a production company, but I made a conscious decision not to do that. I wanted an experience with my son without any interference or people pointing me in certain directions or telling me to do this or go there. And social media today does that in a way. It’s there waiting for everyone to document everything they do, and I think that can take away from the organic experience of something like this. If you’re going to take a trip like this don’t document every moment and thought on social media. That’s my advice. Make it yours. Make it personal. Make it a memory that’s just for you and your family.
Q: You mention in your epilogue that you kept a journal which aided in the completion of this book. Was your intention always to write a book or did the idea come after?
A: I intended from the start to write a book about it. I had planned that it would be much sooner than this, but life got in the way. When I got back, very quickly my life took a positive turn and I know that it had everything to do with the confidence and new view on life, if you will, that came from the trip.
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About Debbi Lynn:
Debbi (DJ) Lynn has navigated single motherhood since the mid-80s. Although the kids are out of the house, anxiety was always a long-term resident facilitating the need to learn panic preventative techniques such as snapping her wrist with a rubber band.
Her books include I’m Sorry Our Time is Up: Conversations With Myself We Are Never Talking About, In the Land of Bugs and Rain, The Disappearance of Sara Smile, and the page-turner Environmental Impact Summary for Clients in Construction. She says that’s enough of the nonfiction and is now working on a sexy fantasy series to indulge her darker side.
