There Will Be Lobster: Memoir of a Midlife Crisis by Sara Arnell
Who finds humor in a nervous breakdown? Sara Arnell’s There Will Be Lobster: Memoir of a Midlife Crisis packs a darkly funny punch while still inspiring readers to take control of their lives, no matter how grim the circumstances.
Arnell’s story, among other things, features an 18-pound tumor, a former monk and a rogue crustacean. For years she presented herself as a well-put-together CEO when in truth her life was crumbling around her. It took a raucous New Year’s night to face the reality of her situation; as she woke up on the floor with a black eye and a live lobster, Arnell knew she needed help.
There Will Be Lobster is a journey of self-discovery and healing that transformed into an unforgettable memoir. Check out what Sara had to say about her memoir in our full interview below.
Q&A WITH SARA ARNELL
Q: Before the series of crises that shaped your memoir, what kind of person were you?
A: I was self-sufficient, independent and outgoing. I loved my work and loved being a mom to my three children. I had a great extended network of friends and family that I saw often. I felt fulfilled and, dare I even say, happy.
Q: How did everything unravel? What was the “rock bottom?”
A: A series of events that seemed to all come together at the same time caused me to completely lose my entire sense of self. My youngest child left for college, I was divorced, and my business closed. I felt completely lost and alone. All the things that I thought defined me were no longer there.
Rock bottom began to look like going through the motions of a life that I didn’t have anymore. I drank too much, lied to everyone about what I was going through, what I did every day and how I felt. I made several bad life decisions that were fueled by too much alcohol combined with the need to feel vital, loved and needed.
Q: What gave you the motivation and strength to start pulling yourself out of crisis?
A: I was starting to become not only unrecognizable to myself, but to my children. And when I say “unrecognizable” I mean both physically and emotionally. I stopped taking care of myself. I gained thirty pounds, let my hair hang in greasy strands and wore nothing but sweats, which was all I could fit into.
I never smiled. I barely got out of bed day after day. My youngest child was trying so hard to help me — to pull me up, encourage me, remind me who I should be and what I could do if I put my mind to it — and I rejected this time and time again. I saw the disappointment on her face one night when I refused her help, once again, and it broke my heart. Finally, I thought, I have to do better for them, if not for myself. And in doing that, I started to feel a little like my old self again. It gave me hope.
Q: Part of your spiritual journey involves Vedic Meditation. What is it? How does it differ from other forms of mediation?
A: Vedic Meditation is a twice-a-day practice where one closes the eyes, sits quietly and meditates for 20 minutes, each time. You are given a mantra by your teacher that you chant silently during meditation. It’s a 5000-year-old practice that calms both the body and mind. It’s a discipline you do every day, twice a day. This practice is what keeps me centered and helps me face difficult situations with a sense of peace instead of panic.
Q: Describe the emotional journey of writing your memoir. And how do you feel about it being “out in the world” now?
A: Writing is healing. The process of writing — choosing the stories you want to tell, the words you use, the tone and style of the writing — is all about grappling with the truth and figuring out how to best express it. There Will Be Lobster is very feelings forward. One reason for this is that I hid, and even denied, how bad I was feeling for so long that I thought it was time to come out into the open — like the lobster from the book’s title did! I wanted to be completely open and honest about this time in my life and not hold back, because I was sure that there were other people out there that maybe, could be helped by this book.
Q: What are three pieces of advice you’d give to people going through a similar situation to what you’ve been through?
A: Be honest with yourself as to how you’re feeling and don’t make excuses for your moods, behavior, issues or problems. It took me a long time to admit that I was depressed. Once I did, I was able to get help and better help myself.
Be honest with your friends. Don’t hide what you’re going through. No one will think less of you and if they do, they’re not your friend. The people that show up during hard times are the ones you’ll keep forever. Pay attention to who is there for you.
Believe that you can change your life and you will. Figuring out how is the easier part. Having faith in yourself to meet the challenges ahead with strength is where believing in you comes in.
Q: How does a lobster fit in to all this?
A: The lobster is a character in the book as well as a metaphor for the moment I recognized that I needed help. The lobster crawled out from under a kitchen chair, somehow escaping the pot on the stove. When I experienced this moment, it became very self-reflective. It woke me up to the fact that I needed to crawl out of my own hiding places and save myself, too. We all have what I call ‘lobster moments’ — turning points that can help us get back on the right path.
About Sara Arnell:
Sara Arnell is a Professor at The New School’s Parsons School of Design and continues to consult with the world’s top brands on marketing strategy and brand design. She regularly advises start-ups and entrepreneurs and has served on several boards for educational institutions. She is a sought after speaker and founder of Karmic, a platform for ‘what-you-do-comes-back-to-you’ ideas and advice. Sara has a BA from Skidmore College and an MFA from Sarah Lawrence College. She is the mother of three children and one small poodle.
