I Hear The Black Raven by Claire Ishi Ayetoro
She needed to escape, so she ran.
She found her way to the door of her house, slipped out and ran as fast as she could. “As I ran, I proceeded to strip every piece of clothing from my black body. I wanted nothing on me, nothing holding me back.”
She wandered into the woods, growing weary. She heard the sirens chasing her. In her last fleeting moment of consciousness and in one sharp movement, she hurled herself some 30 feet off an interstate bridge. Shortly after, she received her first visit from the black raven.
In I Hear the Black Raven: A Petite Memoir (Equal Age), 31-year-old author Claire Ishi Ayetoro tells of her diagnosis of bipolar I disorder at the age of 25, and how she came face-to-face with her personal, professional and emotional demons through a chain of challenging life experiences. She hits on issues ranging from career to hobbies to family to love interests to her own mental health.
HIGHS AND LOWS
She was a curious child with diverse interests, gaining her college degree and dabbling in a variety of professions: engineering, art, woodwork, music, acting and writing. She even became a business owner of a media/merchandise company. But her diagnosis changed everything.
“I suspected this for years … Depression and mania took their positions at each end of the plank and began the slow and steady work of unbalancing me.” She says her family and friends’ initial reaction was disbelief. “It was thought of as something that could be prayed away.” It reaches the point where she purchases a gun and considers ending it altogether. But she uses the metaphor of the black raven as her guiding light. “The black raven,” she says, “is symbolic for many cultures around the world … Some see it as a divine messenger, a communicator of cosmic secrets and deep mysteries.”
“There is a black raven constantly appearing in each of our lives, making its utterance … Can you hear it? What is it revealing to you? The black raven utters, but we decide how we hear it.” Ayetoro’s book is literally a “petite” memoir, with its physical dimensions approximately 3×2 inches. By writing it, opening herself up and sharing her story, she realizes she is taking a risk.
But as she gained in the past from others’ willingness to share their experiences, she now feels it’s time for her to pay it forward.
“I once thought I was cursed and wished it would go away,” she writes. “I now realize that no one has a perfect life, free from pain and struggle, and no one gets to choose what struggle is bestowed upon them … I went through years of therapy to unpack my past and learn tools to refine my future. The process was difficult, but I am now in a good place.”
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