On Writing, Friendship and Healing: One Writer’s Journey to the Center of Self

Image courtesy of Harper's Bazaar

He Never Deserved Me Ariana MansourI met my friend and co-writer 10 years ago. With every year that went by, our friendship quickly escalated from a simple friendship to a soulmate friendship. We talked about everything and anything and it was easy. We both felt no judgment from the other and it made us feel better knowing we had someone to lean on. We were each other’s rock.

Our friendship grew stronger and stronger and as she listened to the stories of my marriage, she kept saying that these stories could become be a book and it has now become a reality.

As we jotted down the things that had happened in my marriage, she was shocked that I had gone through so much. We decided they were book material. No one would ever believe that so many things happened to one person. Sadly enough, they did, but I survived.

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We wrote this book under a pseudonym to protect my family. Trying to decide on a title, we played with the idea of using he never loved me, but we chose He Never Deserved Me because it was an empowering title that would resonate with many women around the world and from all walks of life.

I am a very private person, and it was very hard for me to go into so much detail. All my feelings and my pain were now in black and white. It’s now out there for anyone to read, but my hope is that it gives at least one person the strength to change their lives and to believe that they can.

We all have our ups and downs but we need to focus and put our energy only on the ups, on the positives. Wasting our time or energy in the bad will ultimately drain us and make us bitter.

The process of writing the book was draining. Going back to that period of time in my life brought my me down even though I was okay and I had survived it.

It was a very long and difficult period of my life.

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Many asked me if I wrote it in order to heal; I was puzzled at the question, because that never crossed my mind. I was never broken to begin with. I never allowed that to happen.

The worst part about that period of my life was that I was alone. I had friends but that’s not what I am talking about. I had a void in me that I truly thought would never be filled. I wasn’t okay with that, but I had come to accept it. I didn’t see that I had any choice, I was dealt these cards and I had to make the best of what I had. I focused on being there for my son, trying hard to be both a father and a mother to him and at times even his friend. I never talked to him like he was a child. I always treated him like he was a grown up and maybe that’s why he matured so quickly. I was never one to change my tone when I talked to my son when he was young and I never shied away from answering his questions but never exceeded what he asked.

What I believed in was that if they ask us something it’s because they are ready to hear the answer. So I never lied to him, ever. That created a strong bond between us, we both knew that no matter what, no matter how difficult or hurtful something was, we had each other.

Image courtesy of Writing with Hope

Writing this book with my best friend was quite easy. We got along very well and we complimented each other. The thing is, we honesty never thought it would turn into a book.  We started off by listing some bullet points, jolting down the various episodes that had happened and once we had done that, we started to connect the dots. We soon realized that we had enough material for a book.

 

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