All the Way to the River: Love, Loss, and Liberation by Elizabeth Gilbert
All the Way to the River is a glorious, raw memoir that folds you into Elizabeth Gilbert’s journey of love, addiction, recovery and death. In this book, Gilbert takes us inside her relationship with Reyya Elias, her best friend, lover and wife. We travel with her all the way to the river, a metaphor that Reyya used to refer to that one person who would be there during all the times, even death.
If you are like me, you avoided reading Gilbert’s first breakthrough hit, Eat, Pray, Love (2006). But she drew me into her orbit with Big Magic (2015), her brilliant book on creativity. Her novels, City of Girls (2019) and The Signature of All Things (2013), transformed me into a must-read fan. Gilbert’s compelling writing and unique voice keep readers across the world turning pages to discover not just her characters, but also themselves.
A Love Story and a Nightmare
For those who are unaware, in 2016, Reyya Elias was diagnosed with liver and pancreatic cancer and given six months to live. Upon receiving this news, Elizabeth Gilbert left her marriage, confessed her love and dedicated herself to Reyya for the remainder of her life.
What I discovered in these pages was how this action was actually a manifestation of Gilbert’s addiction to love and sex. That this very true and deep emotional life they’d built as friends had slowly deepened to the point that they were each other’s one person who could be trusted all the way to the river.
When their relationship took this next evolution into physical as well as emotional partnership, that’s the point where the codependence of Gilbert’s behavioral addiction met the uncontrollable appetite of Elias’ substance addiction. “Addiction. A disease so insidious and vile that — I swear to God — it makes terminal cancer look like a day at the beach,” she writes just before the lowest point of the journey.
While it sounds like a horrific time for both of them, the story fascinates and amazes. Gilbert constructs this tale with skill and compassion for both the subjects and the readers. Each chapter is short and bracketed with poetry and illustrations that give your eyes, heart and spirit a moment to rest before diving back in. Even at the end, I found myself yearning for one more word, one more picture, one more poem.
A Memoir That Cuts to the Heart
I came to this read as a writer, reader, end-of-life doula, and primary caregiver for my wife, whose body is failing her. Needless to say, it was triggering for me in all of the ways.
A brilliantly written book (Will I ever be the writer that Elizabeth Gilbert is?) about her wife’s death (Are these tears I’m crying for Elizabeth and Rayya or for me and my wife?) during which she moved in and out of the hospice system and spiraled out of control as she indulged her addiction one last time (How do you even deal with that?!).
As an end-of-life doula, I would recommend this book to any person dealing with death and dying. Gilbert takes you into a place that includes one of the very worst scenarios, a place where the dying person’s family is dedicated to giving them anything they want, even if it places them both in danger.
Profound Wisdom and Guidance
With lines like, “Trade fantasy which has a storyline, with mystery which does not,” her language and experience provide necessary wisdom and guidance to support both the dying person and their loved ones in thorny situations.
When she found out I was reading this book, a friend remarked, “This is judge-y, but I can’t help but feel surprised that Gilbert doesn’t have her shit more together by now.”
After reading this book, I feel confident in responding, “No more surprised than she is.” But also, while Gilbert continues to navigate sobriety, she’s supported and accompanied by this amazing soul who will be with her — all the way to the river.
About Elizabeth Gilbert:
Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of nine previous works of fiction and nonfiction, which collectively have sold more than 25 million copies worldwide, spent more than 200 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, and been translated into more than 50 languages. She has been a finalist for the National Book Award, the National Book Critics Circle Award and the PEN/Hemingway Award. With more than 20 million views of her TED Talk and 2.7 million followers on her social media accounts, she continues to be one of the most beloved and influential writers of our age.
