All he genuinely wanted in life was acceptance. When he realized that, a perfect peace washed over him. So much so that he pulled his car over, got out, ran into the middle of the highway, and began stopping rush hour traffic to share the good news with everyone. As cars zipped by, their drivers had looks of horror watching him spin into madness.
Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you understand why.”
Michael Anthony Smith has spent the good part of his life seeking that understanding, and he documents the journey in his riveting memoir, Bipolar Hell – Both Worlds.
WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES
As he explains, he was kicked out of the military for drug abuse only to return home where everyone hated him. He spent a lot of time in psych wards, treatment centers, homeless shelters, and three days in a padded cell where he experienced hell on earth. He had civil commitments placed on him in two states. He had to stand before multiple judges in handcuffs to beg for freedom but receive no mercy, left to rot in prison since no family would post his bond.
Smith’s memoir begins during his childhood in South Dakota. He writes in a very engaging style about his experience with friends, family and colleagues – a seemingly typical existence that quickly slides into alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, and living most of his life terrified of his own shadow. His battles are many, often trying to talk himself out of (or into) suicide attempts; his ability to describe them and his feelings are noteworthy.
LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
While at times he struggles to find a friend, he is not without support, notably from his wife Sue. At one point, she comes to see him in a psych ward, causing him to cry uncontrollably. Smith calls this a defining moment in his life, one that would prolong the demons.
Smith also turns to his faith in God for comfort, support and guidance, which helps him head toward “the bright sunset on the other side of solitude.”
Very often, in a memoir such as this in which a non-professional writer tells his story, we characterize the writing as “raw” but the message as “inspiring.” That is not exactly the case in Bipolar Hell. The writing is clear, insightful and well-crafted. And while the author hopes he can help others who struggle, the narrative is not so much inspirational as it is a cautionary tale, and one of hope.
“Throughout my life, I set sail for riches, peace of mind, love, acceptance and all the very best life has to offer. The more I sailed away on the thin ice of a new day, the more I found myself alone.”
But today, Smith appears to be on a good path. “Every day is a gift, and that is why it is called the ‘present.’ ”
About Mike Anthony Smith:
Michael Anthony Smith’s life has been filled with manic highs, severe depression, and a few suicide attempts. He was arrested several times and imprisoned as he was flying high from mania. He has spent time in psych wards, treatment centers, and homeless shelters. Now there is a balance in his medication, and his severe alcohol abuse is in recovery. Bipolar Hell: Both Worlds is his story. Visit https://bipolarhell.com.
