It’s often said that when it comes to dog training, you need to be the alpha. You need to be in control and show your dog who is boss in order to teach proper discipline. Dogs, it turns out, disagree with that statement.
Meet Finnegan Count Smooshie Tushie — Finn for short — a top graduate of the K9 Rescue Academy and advocate for dogs everywhere. He’s tired of seeing book after book outlining a human’s guide to dealing with dogs when he knows that’s not the truth. According to Finn, while humans may think they’re training their dogs, in reality, it’s the other way around.
In How to Train Your Hooman: a Field Guide, Finn (transcribed by Gwen Romack) outlines his thoughts on the real training experts. Finn’s book is both a tell-all exposé on strange human behavior and a how-to guide for dogs to follow the four core rules of “hooman” training:
- Train your hoomans to properly serve and respect you;
- Protect, nurture and support your hoomans through life’s challenges and dangers;
- Condition you hoomans to comply with your every wish, “just so”; and
- Maximize treats and minimize baffs
FINN’S GUIDE TO HUMAN TRAINING 101
As a mix of “the regal and intense Hungarian Vizsla, the vocal and opinionated Beagle and the sensitive and stubborn Pittie,” Finn feels like he has a unique perspective when it comes to hooman training. Ever since Gwen and Evan Romack adopted him from the Carteret County Humane Society in North Carolina, Finn has been carefully documenting their behavior to help dogs understand their own hoomans. From “walkies: problems and solutions” to “maximizing treatage,” Finn can help dogs of all temperaments to properly train their beloved, not-so-furry friends. And with helpful diagrams provided by illustrator Julie Goldman, every dog should feel secure in their ability to follow Finn’s instructions and achieve the desired results.
Finn’s suggestion that dogs pretend to have selective hearing or that vomiting in the house can be used as passive-aggressive communication might be a little unusual when it comes to a training guide. But even as Finn encourages his fellow canines to create mischief, he understands that, ultimately, dogs and humans want to be there for each other. When faced with a sad or stressed hooman, Finn advises his fellow dogs to drop everything and go comfort them. He understands that during hard times, both humans and dogs can benefit from each other’s companionship.
Certainly, during these difficult times, we are all feeling like we could use a cuddle from Finn. And with advice that ranges from the hilarious to the outrageous, Finn’s antics will give every reader a much-needed laugh. It’s a reminder that at the end of the day, no matter how much mud they roll in or food they break into, dogs will continue to be man’s best friend. How to Train Your Hooman: a Field Guide is a celebration of the loving bond between humans and their dogs — no matter who thinks they’re in charge.
For more updates on Finn’s adventures, check out his social media.
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