That Kind of Mother by Rumaan Alam
Rebecca Stone desperately needs help with her newborn and Priscilla, a La Leche nurse from the hospital comes to her rescue. Having experience being a mother herself when she was a single, teen mother many years ago, Priscilla leaves her job at the hospital to become the nanny for Rebecca’s baby. Rebecca feels extremely close to Priscilla, confiding her fears, the hopes and dreams she had for herself and has for her child. She looks at Priscilla as a source of stability in her life, all while learning how to care for a child, and just what it means to be a mother.
Priscilla ends up changing the way that Rebecca looks on not only motherhood, but also the world around her: Rebecca is white, and Pricilla is black, their connection to each other forcing Rebecca to look at society around her and confront the privileges she’s taken for granted for so long.
After an unexpected turn of events, Priscilla becomes pregnant. But there are complications during the birth, and Priscilla dies, leaving the child alone. Unable to just sit by, Rebecca volunteers to adopt the newborn, feeling that this is the least she can do to thank Priscilla for all that she’s done. But there is a lot that Rebecca does not know about raising a child of a different race, and the rose-colored glasses that she’s worn her entire life haven’t been entirely taken off.
This story brings up a lot of questions about race and society, and it is difficult at times not to pass judgement on Rebecca’s thoughts and actions. Is she “saving” this black baby by bringing him into a white, wealthy family, or is she doing him a disservice by not allowing him to grow up with black parents who can teach him what it means to be black in America? Rebecca doesn’t know anything about being black; how to take care of black hair and skin, the prejudices that this child will face as a black man. That Kind of Mother is about the challenges of motherhood, race and how family can be created without blood, but it is also commentary on selfishness disguised as selflessness, and a lack of understanding that is blinded by positivity and hopefulness.
Rebecca’s view of her relationship with Priscilla is much different than what I saw as a reader. She believes they are connected, the closest of friends, and feels loyal to Priscilla because of what she has taught her about motherhood, and the support she received during one of the most stressful periods of her life.
But my opinion is this: the relationship was one-sided. Priscilla was doing a great job being a nanny, supporting the mother, teaching her how to care for her child, listening to her talk, and providing her with the time to be independent. But did Rebecca know anything about Priscilla? About her family? Her home life? Her hopes and dreams? Did she ever even ask?
Rebecca may have been privileged – white, wealthy, recognized in her field, and able to provide an adopted child a financially solid home – but I believe this perceived friendship, combined with her own self-centered outlook on life (regardless of race) misguided her, and adopting this baby was not necessarily the best thing for him or for Rebecca’s family.
This book was written by Rumaan Alam, the son of Bangladeshi immigrants, married to a white man and raising two adopted black sons in Brooklyn, NY. Alam does a great job writing from a woman’s perspective as he explores female friendships, birth, breastfeeding, and more. He shows how families are formed in many ways and can be very different, but they all have commonalities underneath. Parenthood is a challenge no matter who you are, and acknowledging what you don’t know can be a good thing – something that That Kind Of Mother articulates perfectly.
That Kind of Mother is now available for purchase.
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