Darlings!
What is this obsession with the heat, my little book bugs? It’s true that my papery nature and inky heart makes me less susceptible to the extremes of temperature, but you seem to speak of little else as summer slides into August. In fact, I was idling beside the pool slathered in Korean sunscreen and literary fantasies when my dear Ishmael climbed out of the water, shook out his golden curls, and asked that question that plagues us every summer: “Hot enough for you?” Give a boy shore leave from The Pequod and he becomes a philosopher.
I’m at a loss as to why my correspondents’ queries have been so incendiary lately, but I have it on good authority that it has something to do with vacations and beaches. Fortunately, your auntie is here to advise you as things get a bit … caliente. They say paper ignites at a certain temperature; what a lovely way to burn.
Don’t forget the pot holders.
Ta for now,
—Aunt Libra
The Sexiest Prank of All
Dear Aunt Libra,
Yesterday my childhood nemesis bought the company I work for. It’s not bad enough that he took my virginity, got me arrested, and killed my chances to attend an Ivy League college. No, now I have to look at his smug, arrogant and annoyingly hot face every day. He’s the sex demon from my worst nightmares and I hate him with the power of a thousand suns. So tell me, Auntie, why we can’t keep our hands off each other? No storage closet, vacant office or service elevator is safe from what happens when we collide. And those pranks we’ve been pulling on each other since we were pre-teens? Falling for him might be the worst trick of all.
— The Woman He Loves to Hate
Dear Lovie,
My old pal Hamlet once said, “the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.” Have you considered peeking under the blankets to see what lies beneath the hate? I also can’t help noticing that a childhood frenemy who can now buy a company might be a bit cash solvent. Certainly such an individual could afford a place to dally that has, oh, I don’t know, furniture and bed linens? And while you’re using your mutual enmity to pump up the volume on your love shenanigans, do keep an eye out for security cameras. Involuntary adult entertainment is a no-no.
I wish you the best of luck on your skyrocket ride, but do watch the re-entry.
— Aunt Libra
Second Chance at a First Love in Triplicate
Dear Aunt Libra –
My boyfriend is the most adorable man on the planet. He has a big brain, a bigger heart, and the most delicious imagination. Thanks to his training as an EMT, he knows how to deal with my PTSD from a training accident when I was in the Marine Corps. I knew from the start that he’s my forever. There’s just one problem—the man who saved me during the accident is back in the picture. He’s the man who helped me figure out who I am and, in the process, stole my heart. If I tell my boyfriend that I want to open up our relationship to include one more, am I in danger of losing both of them—forever?
— Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Dearest Rocky,
Your auntie just adores an opportunity to help our veterans, and it sounds like your EMT does too. If he is as big hearted and imaginative as you say, why not float the idea by him perhaps as a hypothetical, at first? And don’t forget your visual aids. If your hero is appealing, some illustrations might be in order. If your man is willing, apply communication and set boundaries that you can both live with. If not, you now have something delectable to spice up his imagination.
— Aunt Libra
An Offer She Can’t Refuse
Dear Aunt Libra,
Did you ever get an offer that seems too good to be true? One day I’m minding my own business taking no crap at work, and the next thing I know the CEO wants to pay off all of my considerable debts. Of course, there’s a catch. He’s enamored of my girlboss ways and wants me to apply them to him—in the bedroom. I’d like to say I’m not that kind of girl, but I’ve been slaving for years and have barely made a dent in my debt. He’s says this will be a safe arrangement, because he’s incapable of falling in love. But safe for who? He’s brilliant, protective, surprisingly kind, and hotter than fire. A girl could get burned.
Should I do it, Auntie?
— Tempted to Make Him Crawl
Dear Temptee,
Did I read you correctly? A stern, sexy, and outrageously wealthy CEO wants you to bring him to heel in exchange for financial freedom, and you’re … hesitating? I suspect it wouldn’t be hard to find other candidates who would love to make a billionaire beg. What are you waiting for, darling?
And do let Auntie know how it goes. I’ll bring the mojitos.
—Aunt Libra
I don’t know about you, but Auntie needs more ice in her tea after those queries. Do you think Lovie will win out over hate and perhaps chose a rendezvous spot with a bed? (Mr. McHottie by Pippa Grant.) Will Rocky enlist his sweet EMT in a romantic adventure with the sergeant of his dreams? (Party of Three by Christopher Rice.) Will Temptee turn the tables on her boss? (Preferential Treatment by Heather Guerre.) And will we need a sexy firefighter when all of this passion ignites? I can’t wait to find out!
Until next time, my bookish darlings. And do watch out for scorch marks.
Toodles,
— Aunt Libra
