The Real Mrs. Tobias by Sally Koslow
Before we even begin Sally Koslow‘s latest novel, The Real Mrs. Tobias (Harper), there is a pause to appreciate the title. Next you turn the first pages, at once lured into an unforgettable tale written in snappy prose with lots of humor. In a mother-in-law triangle, we meet Veronika, the mother-in-law/dowager, Melanie, the daughter-in-law/pleaser, and Birdie, the daughter/granddaughter-in-law/outsider. Thrown into the mix is the fact that the elder two women are psychotherapists who lack personal introspection, while quite facile at treating their patients.
In this controlling, quintessential New York family, things get dicey when Micah, Melanie’s son, gets into real trouble. Every family member, of course, has an opinion as to what and how things must be done. Once the crisis heats up in this overbearing, matriarchal Tobias tribe, personalities are revealed and crisis composure is measured. And so, we read nonstop to learn who did what to whom. These rich characters shape-shift before our eyes—unprecedented loyalties, unexpected longings and a path to rediscovery evolve.
I had a chance to sit with Sally Koslow, also author of Another Side of Paradise, The Widow Waltz and The Late, Lamented Molly Marx, among others, and ask a few questions about her new book.
Q: At the center of your story is a son/husband/grandson who is in trouble and how it affects the three women in his life. How did you decide on this plot?
A: It’s the reaction to Micah’s troubles that kickstarts The Real Mrs. Tobias. I don’t describe the event itself until Chapter 2. How a family responds to a crisis reveals a great deal. Does an entire clan pile on? Are they helpful? Critical? Shaming? Do family members respect a relative’s privacy and back off? I hope the conversation and behavior in the first chapter, which takes place at a dinner, allows the reader to dive right into the book and start to form judgments about main characters.
Q: The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law situation has some real tension from the start. Despite this, there are many family gatherings in the Tobias family and everyone seems to weigh in. What is your message to readers about family and boundaries?
A: The Tobias family maintains a blurred boundary, your-problem-is-my-problem attitude. The Iowa family of Birdie Peterson, on the other hand, who we get to know mid-book, believes in clearer boundaries. Which family is more loving and supportive? That’s for the reader to decide.
Q: In life it is not always obvious to us how far we’ll go for the people we love. This is what happens to ‘Mel’/Melanie when she is put to the test. How did you “story-board” her?
A: I have great affection for the character of Mel, who’d describe herself as caring but flawed. A Minnesota girl transplanted to Manhattan, she’s a skilled psychotherapist. This doesn’t prevent her, during sessions, from musing about her own issues, instead of concentrating on her clients’ problems. She’s devoted to her two adult children, Micah and his twin sister Jordan, yet frequently annoys them. Alice, her granddaughter, has—to Mel’s surprise, because she is young to be a New York City grandmother—stolen her heart. Mel, however, is at a loss to know how to untangle a painful situation that evolves with Alice and Birdie. She has a long marriage filled with love and laughter, but the relationship has had its rocky times and her husband accuses Mel of being oblivious to his problems, just as his relentless shop talk bores her. The most complicated relationship Mel has is with he domineering and haughty mother-in-law. It’s also the relationship that evolves the most during the course of the book.
Q: Your characters and how they face their challenges keep readers on their toes! Which characters resonate most for you?
A: All three Tobias wives resonate for me because I put parts of myself into each one. Surprise, surprise. My marriage came with a dynamic matriarch of a mother-in-law; our relationship exists longer than the one I shared with my own mother. I’ve always been intrigued by the trickiness of the MIL/DIL bond, and wanted to explore it in a novel because despite how common it is, I can’t recall another book that makes this dynamic its focus.
Ten years ago, both of my sons married, which made me a MIL myself. This has been….gratifying but challenging. I’m still fine-tuning my behavior with my two very different daughters-in-law and imagine I will be for the rest of my life. I’m a Midwestern transplant to New York City, like both Mel and Birdie, and culture shock has part of that experience, just as it is in the book. And yet despite everything I’ve just said, my favorite character in the novel is Joy-Ellen Lindstrom, Birdie’s no-nonsense grandmother. She’s salt-of-the-earth sensible.
Q: There is the mystery of what really happened that night with Micah/husband of Birdie. What is damage control — what is integrity? How do we “wake up” and own our actions and reactions?
A: On this point, I share a core belief with Joy-Ellen, “that if you’ve been brought up properly, any decent human instinctively knows the right thing to do in virtually every situation, and people fritter away far too much time justifying answers they know are wrong.” Damage control is exactly that, justifying—sometimes shrewdly—answers or behavior people know is wrong.
Q: I look forward to your next novel. Can you give us a clue?
A: It will be another story about a complicated family. Almost nothing to me is more interesting.
Q: If you were to cast The Real Mrs. Tobias for a limited series or a film, who would you choose for Veronika, Mel, Birdie and their husbands?
A: Glenn Close or Meryl Streep would be perfection as Veronika. Kristen Wiig or Amy Adams—appropriately coifed with long curls–as Mel, Elle Fanning (5’9”) as Birdie, Steve Martin as David, Jason Sudeikus as Jake, and Oscar Isaac clone at 23 as Micah.
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About Sally Koslow:
Sally Koslow, www.sallykoslow.com, linktr.ee/sallykoslow, is the author of The Real Mrs. Tobias, a novel recently published by Harper Perennial.
Sally’s previous novels include Another Side of Paradise, also published in France and Bulgaria. Called “stylish, vibrant and colorful” by Kirkus Reviews and “intoxicating” by Publisher’s Weekly, this book explores the turbulent love affair of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Sheilah Graham, a gossip columnist during Hollywood’s golden era. Koslow has been a featured speaker at the F. Scott Fitzgerald Society’s annual conference held in Toulouse, France,
Sally’s second novel, The Late, Lamented Molly Marx, became an international bestseller as well as a Book Pick by Target, who selected her third novel, With Friends Like These, as an Emerging Writer Book. The Widow Waltz, her fourth novel, was praised by Library Journal, calling it “page-turning” and “well-written.”Her debut novel, Little Pink Slips, was inspired by her long career as the editor-in-chief of iconic McCall’s Magazine. Her books have been published in fifteen countries. All are available on Kindle as well as audiobooks. She is also the author of one non-fiction book, Slouching Toward Adulthood.
Sally has contributed essays to numerous anthologies as well as and articles to prominent magazines, newspapers, and websites, including The New York Times, O the Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, The Boston Globe, Good Housekeeping, The Forward, AARP Magazine, and Reader’s Digest. She works independently with aspiring writers to help them polish their manuscripts and book proposals.
To arrange a book club visit or speaking engagement, inquire about independent writing coaching, or just to say hello, please contact Sally via her website: www.sallykoslow.com, on Twitter, through her Facebook Author Page, that she hopes you’ll “like” and on Instagram.
Sally lives in Manhattan but humbly brags that she is from Fargo, North Dakota. She is an honors graduate of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, where she met her husband. They are the proud parents of two sons.
