Undefined: More Than the Sum of My Losses by Michelle Lee Graham
What's It About?
This is not a sad story. This is a story about holding on to hope in the face of overwhelming tragedy, of learning how to forgive and not let the trauma define me, of learning to trust God to bring me through. This is a story about turning that tragedy into triumph.These lines are from the introduction to the touching and inspirational memoir, Undefined: More Than the Sum of My Losses by author, leader, coach, motivational speaker and mom, Michelle Lee Graham. I literally just closed the last page of the book, and I’m filled with such emotion — a mix of both heartbreak and inspiration. What a story! Readers go on this journey with Michelle: from being raped at the young age of 16, finding herself pregnant, putting her beloved baby up for adoption and finding her way back to her daughter 27 years later.
Not every story like hers has a “happy” ending, but Michelle’s maturity, even at a young age, led her to be able to overcome the tragedies, challenges and obstacles she was faced with in her life. She was helped by her faith in God and the support of her family and friends. Her story is one of gut-wrenching experiences, tough decisions, perseverance, forgiveness and the strength of faith and love. She wanted to tell her own story and her daughter’s story in order to help others.
At a young age, Michelle decided that this awful rape would not define who she is. Nor would making the loving decision to give her daughter, Sarah, up for adoption. Nor would the Church’s views, or broken promises by the adoption agency and her baby’s adoptive parents. Nor would anger, fear, or the unknown. Michelle ultimately found the strength to define herself.
When Michelle was pregnant and just beginning to show, she worried about what her dad and others might think of her. But he offered her words of advice that were significant in shaping the rest of her life. He told her “You don’t ever need to let others decide who you are. You get to choose who you will be.” Michelle says, “That was a pivotal moment in my life and one I remember constantly. No matter what people have taken from me, what they say or do, or how they try to define me, I know that nobody gets to decide who I am except me … ”
Michelle went on to discover love, relationships and career success despite overwhelming odds. As the last chapter in the book says in its title, she is “Defined by Love.”
FINDING A POSITIVE PATH FORWARDS
Michelle does an excellent job of sharing her thoughts and feelings throughout the pivotal experiences of her life and this draws the reader in. As she became professionally successful, she decided that her life could now be an example to others of what was possible. She advocates for hope and continuously reminds others that internal joy is possible, no matter what has happened to them.
Later, during a particularly low time in her adult life, Michelle came up with an acronym for the process of taking baby steps forward to send her on a positive path toward healthy and steady growth. She called it TINY (Transform, Intentionally = New You) and those tiny, intentional steps can lead to change in a HUGE way (Helping U Get Everything). This is a good reminder to us all.
This is a book that everyone should read. It can be transformative no matter what your own personal circumstances. And it’s ultimately uplifting … which is something we can all use.
About Michelle Graham:
Michelle Lee Graham is a dynamic, inspirational mother and leader. Her vulnerability, honesty and authenticity help deliver a multifaceted motivational message. Michelle has faced trauma, tragedy and loss, but has been able to discover great love, relationships and success. She strives to beat the odds and not let others define her.
At the young age of sixteen, Michelle was the survivor of a violent sexual assault. Though the impact of the rape did not define her, the ensuing pregnancy most definitely did! Michelle had her first child at sixteen. Through adoption, Michelle was able to express her unselfish love and give her daughter the life she deserved. Moving forward would mean living a life that her daughter, Sarah, could be proud of.
As a Chief Executive Officer (CEO) for more than a decade, Michelle has built a successful career as an empathetic leader with a high emotional intelligence. Her professionalism and integrity have helped build a successful organization; navigating her team through significant restructure, growth, and success!
Michelle went on to have five more children of her own. Through many good, and bad, life choices, she has lived a life full of passion, vulnerability, professionalism and success. She believes that we all have the possibility to experience the freedom to truly Love, Forgive, Grow, Heal and find New Joy! Sometimes, we just need a little help to get there. It is Michelle’s desire to train, coach and inspire others to discover their New Joy.
