This is the extraordinary true story of the last six months of the life of Margot Murphy after a nine-year battle with cancer, written by her husband. Unflinching in its honesty and transparency, Living in Color: A Love Story, in Sickness and in Health by Mike Murphy is a riveting inside look at a love for the ages, one that men and women only dream of but may never experience in their lifetime.
Every family that has been touched by cancer will identify with the scenes in this soul-searing saga, which is masterfully written like a novel. Every human who intrinsically longs to love and be loved, and to live well and die well, will be greatly enriched by the story’s lessons and deep wisdom. It’s a wonderful tribute to a woman who was clearly a gift to not just her husband but the whole world.
We were able to ask some questions to Michael Murphy about his writing and personal context for it. Read our review here.
Q: Why did you write Living in Color?
A: I wanted to memorialize what I had just witnessed: a woman so incredibly brave, fighting every day to stay alive, while undergoing these crazy and scary medical procedures at the same time she was preparing to die. I was forever changed by her courage, strength, determination and acceptance of her situation. For the nine years I watched her battle cancer, Margot never complained or asked “why me?” She was strong, determined and full of love. She inspired me to my core, and I wanted others to see this, feel this. But mainly, I wanted to honor my wife, my twin flame, who taught me so much about life, love and even death. Margot never gave up on me and from the first moment our eyes connected, it’s as if she grabbed onto my heart and refused to let go of it until I would get vulnerable enough to open it. Little did we know, it would be her death that finally opened it for good.
Q: Gilda Radner said, “Life … is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” How did this apply to you in the journey you took with Margot?
A: In the last few months of her life, I saw this quote and I used it in a blog that I was writing for our friends and family to keep them updated. It seemed to fit our lives at that moment. That was Margot’s life: every day not knowing what this treatment would do to her the next day. But she embraced each day, each moment as a gift. She had an emotional maturity about her that I did not have. I admired that and I wanted to obtain that, not just write about it.
Q: Was it very difficult or therapeutic (or both) to write about, and essentially relive, the days of Margot’s illness?
A: It was incredibly both therapeutic and painful at the same time. I was riddled with grief, guilt and regret. So it was reliving to write this story, and eventually brought some relief and healing to my broken heart. What is interesting to me now, because the book was completed in 2015 and we are now publishing it in 2021, is how many different emotions I have been feeling and dealing with. I do believe that this is the perfect time for this book to be published. I wasn’t ready emotionally six years ago to do this. I also think, due to what’s going on in the world today, people are a lot more fearful. Margot faced fear every day, and every day that she had to choose either fear or love she always chose love. That takes courage and determination, and I truly hope that the reader will find inspiration from the way Margot chose to live her life, so that they may live a more courageous life.
Q: What do you miss most about Margot?
A: This is a tough question as I’ve since remarried. But I am so fortunate that my new wife not only supports the publishing of this book but all that goes along with publishing it. She is also my partner in Mountains of Hope. This may sound strange to some people, and there is no time to go into detail here, but I do write about it a little at the very end of Living in Color, titled, “In Closing.” But spiritually, energetically, she is still with me: that energy, that love, it’s still here. In the physical world of form, I miss her beauty and wonder what she would be like today at 49 years old. Her smile, her laughter, her energy, I could go on for a long time, but as I write this, as I said earlier, I can still see it and feel it. It’s love, its energy, it’s in all of us. Some of us, like Margot, just knew it deeper and refused to settle for less. That’s one of the many gifts she gave to me.
Q: What are some key lessons that you took away from this experience?
A: Where do I start? This thing we call life, it’s not about money, or things, or egocentric success. No, it’s about living from your heart, trusting your gut, questioning your thoughts and your motives. It’s about love, caring, compassion, community and giving to those less fortunate. Less division and judgment, more unity, more love. And may I add — I and almost everyone else in the world need to be constantly reminded of this, I am far from perfect — my heart and motives are usually pure, but I keep trying to be more loving and caring.
Q: What are some key lessons you hope readers will take away?
A: To me, that is the most important question. My wish is that they are inspired by Margot’s strength, determination, courage, love and the way she accepted her fate. How she refused to settle for a life that didn’t fulfill her, how she was willing to risk it all for love. The fact that she left her physical body at a young age does not equate to loss. In fact, in my eyes, she won. Why? Because she stayed true to herself, and when faced with fear, almost daily, she always chose love. When we consider the concept of time and eternity, there is not much difference between dying at 38 or 88, it’s just a blink of an eye. The question is, did you embrace your life? Did you squeeze all that you could out of it, or did you just take, complain, contribute nothing and then die? That is not living. Margot was bigger than life and although she died much too young, she was not short-changed.
Q: Tell us about the foundation you established, the work being done, and the people it is helping!
A: The foundation is named after Margot as it was her and her death that taught me about love and opened my heart. But it is another woman that inspired the creation of the foundation. I met Amanda just weeks after Margot had passed, in trying to assist her with her stage 4 breast cancer, and she was only 38, with 3 children. I was shocked to find an injustice in lifesaving health care between the haves and have nots, and that not only shocked me but angered me as well. Thus, the start of the foundation. Now today, nine years later, we are transitioning to a new mission. Instead of helping to pay their bills while watching them die, we now will be sending them at no charge to our healing retreat center, Mountains of Hope, in Medellin, Colombia, where hopefully they will be put into a powerful healing environment where they can learn to heal themselves!
You can purchase Living in Color here.
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About Michael Murphy:
Founder of the Love from Margot Foundation, Mike Murphy started the movement in 2012 to honor his late wife Margot Murphy. The foundation is dedicated to support underinsured and low-income women suffering from advanced cancer with emergency funds, health education and resources much needed in their efforts towards healing and recovery.
Mike is most passionate about helping people learn how to move from scarcity to abundance through a unique methodology he has used to create his own successes. His story, documented in the bestselling book Love Unfiltered, is one of dramatic transformation from a destitute, alcoholic, runaway teenager to business maven and community leader. He draws from his experience as an entrepreneur who has built solid multimillion-dollar businesses, notably auto dealerships and commercial real-estate. Visit https://lovefrommargot.org.
Thank you for putting this out there. I agree with your opinion and I hope more people would come to agree with this as well.