To this day my story still seems unreal to me, as well as some of my readers. What do you do when something so extraordinary happens to you that there is no place to put it? In my case, I wrote a book about it known as The Disintegration of My Ordinary Reality. My first intention was to just get it down on paper for posterity, which would give me a chance to digest the phenomenon one by one. Did it really happen or did I just perceive it in an inter-dimensional cocktail of the mind?
If you haven’t read my book yet it goes like this: My husband dies and I find myself living alone in a luxury home on a lake in Central America when phenomenon happens. I cannot make sense of it and I begin to think I am crazy. I can hear, see, feel and sense Mayan spirits who seem to have woken me from an earthly slumber of who I really am, and chaos ensues. I realize my extreme gift of intuition and become one with the universe. Then I begin traveling all over the world trying to understand the unexplainable, all the while shedding the past and an ego that was fueled by a corporate career and a glamorous lifestyle.
As I now sit calmly writing this article with a foot in the ‘real world’ and another foot in the spiritual world, I sometimes have a yearning for normal. Yet normal will never exist for me again. I asked many who dabble in the spirit world for answers and the response was, you have stepped over the line that keeps the rational mind intact. It is a journey you cannot erase since there is no place to logically store it. They were right, I will never stop pondering the proximity of another place, time and space of existence; curiosity now abounds.
When someone asked me what it was like to have the veil between dimensions come crashing down, I asked them to imagine this: “What would you do, think and contemplate if you were sitting on your patio, you looked up at the blue sky and all of a sudden a large zipper appears. Next, a large hand comes and unzips the zipper, a strange face appears and smiles at you then the hand zips everything up and disappears.” That’s it, that’s all, nothing more, nothing less. Now, if you are alone, your mind will beg you to file it in a cabinet with an explanation of “I have had too much to drink”, “I must be tired” and on and on until it is gone from the structures of your beliefs. It becomes whisked away into coincidence. This is the tidying up that we do for things that might require an overhaul of our belief systems.
Now, if someone is there with you and sees it as well, that changes everything. That one stick of validation creates an entirely different outcome. The mind knows it happened, but it still has no framework for an explanation so you pour yourself a glass of wine and have a few laughs, but that simple peek into another existence will never leave the mind alone in its obsession to make sense of it. This is the dilemma of the seer and those who transcend the earth plane and are teetering on the edge of beliefs that are now on shaky ground.
From this new perspective, there is a freedom that opens an entire new world of possibilities. Sure, sometimes I still question my sanity, but the unicorn in the kitchen keeps telling me I am just fine and I still go about the world believing in nothing and expecting in all that the universe can bring.
When I first sat down to write my book, in order for it to come through me, I had to let go of anything that was questioning it. The voice that said, ‘nobody is going to believe you’ had to be squelched. This inner critic that clings to bold beliefs keeps us from the extraordinary world around us. A lighter energy flowed through me to write. When I was stuck, I would close my eyes and ‘float’ into the scenes unimpeded and the vision of that experience would appear even more precise than when it happened. I could feel and sense it as it had occurred, all with no time between the moment and me, the author. This is the place of a writer in the river of the matrix, where we can access the impossible and write the reality of a deeper existence that lies within all of us.
Magic happens in our lives and in our writing when we can move beyond our beliefs and into the vastness of possibility.