A Teenage Ghost Reevaluates Her Life — and Desire for Death

A Breath Too Late by Rocky Callen

Crafted by former behavioral therapist and suicide-prevention advocate Rocky Callen, A Breath Too Late is a young adult novel that follows the short-lived life of Ellie Walker, a 17-year-old girl who turns into a ghost after she commits suicide.

One morning, Ellie wakes up as usual, but notices that something feels off. When she gets to school, her teacher announces that Ellie Walker has passed away by suicide. That’s when she realizes that she’s a ghost. To make matters worse, Ellie can’t remember the moments leading up to her death. In fact, there are many gaps in her memory.

As Ellie navigates her current dilemma, she begins to follow and observe the people in her life, moving between past and present as she tries to piece her life together. As she slowly recovers her memories, she also becomes aware of how much pain her death is causing the people dearest to her, and that maybe she may have misunderstood them or didn’t know them as well as she thought. And that’s when she realizes that maybe death was never the solution. But she’s just a breath too late to change anything.

Grab Your Tissue Box; This One’s a Weeper

A Breath Too Late is such a beautifully crafted tale about grief, suicide, domestic abuse, depression, love and hope.  I cried my eyes out while reading Ellie’s story. It’s tragic. It’s heartbreaking. It’s heartfelt and healing. It’s been a while since I read a book that made me cry this much.

I absolutely loved the author’s writing style. The narrative voice shifts between the innocence of the child Ellie was and the insight of the older Ellie looking back at her life. Callen’s prose is so lyrical and evocative, with vivid imagery and carefully chosen metaphors that make Ellie’s emotions feel almost tangible.  The symbolic recurrence of light, color, breath, birds, wings and stars was so beautiful to read. I also loved the letter-like format; it allowed Callen to turn abstract ideas (death, life, depression) into things Ellie can talk to, question, blame or forgive. It’s such a refreshing and intimate way to tell a story.

Real and Relatable Characters

Callen crafts such interesting and believable characters. I loved them. Ellie is a remarkable character. Ellie is presented as deeply sensitive, observant, imaginative and emotionally vulnerable. As a child, she is innocent and full of wonder, dreaming about adventures and mountains, but growing up in an abusive home slowly changed how she saw herself and the world. Interestingly, she didn’t always understand what was happening around her while it was happening; as a teenager (ghost) looking back, she begins to recognize the fear, tension and abuse she previously accepted as normal. She also tended to keep her pain to herself, and that isolated her from everyone. At the same time, her narration reveals that the hopeful, imaginative child she once was has never completely disappeared.

Regina (Ellie’s Momma) is a tragic character because we see the woman she once was and what the abuse has turned her into. Ellie remembered her as loving, affectionate, adventurous and full of dreams, but in the present, she appears diminished, frightened and almost emotionally lifeless. She is a victim, but Ellie’s perspective also shows the complicated feelings children can have toward their parents: Ellie loves and sympathizes with her but is also disappointed and angry that her mother failed to protect her. This is such a relatable portrayal.

I also enjoyed reading about August. He’s full of brightness and was an anchor and emotional safety for Ellie. His personality is the opposite of the oppressive atmosphere at Ellie’s home. I loved their friendship and tender, short-lived romance. Ellie’s death wrecked him. His grief was heartbreaking.

I passionately hated Ellie’s dad. He is controlling, intimidating, manipulative and physically abusive. He uses fear and violence to control both his wife and daughter and creates such a toxic environment. Regina and Ellie constantly anticipate his next outburst. Such brilliant characterization!

To sum up, A Breath Too Late is a heartbreaking yet ultimately hopeful story of a young girl who, after death, pieces together painful realities of her life and finally realizes the beauty and value of the life she lost. Readers who appreciate emotional YA fiction that gives hope and heals the heart will love this novel, as I did.