My Mother's Pain
Excited to host her daughter’s engagement party, 45-year-old Jennifer has just purchased elegant glassware for 60 when she receives an upsetting phone call in Fae Bidgoli’s My Mother’s Pain (Gatekeeper Press). Never one to deal with heartbreak and grief, Jennifer is at a loss. Unsure what to do next but experiencing intense emotional distress as a result of whatever was said on the other end of the phone, she’s desperate to find an escape route.
Before long, Jennifer gets into her car and drives east, away from her business, away from her friends and away from her home in San Francisco. In nothing but her robe, nightgown and slippers, she finds herself on the opposite side of the country, parked in front of a small home in Erie, PA.
Bewildered and slightly concerned by the flashy car that has appeared outside their residence, Ron and Ingrid emerge from their soon-to-be-foreclosed-upon home to investigate. It is here after inviting herself to stay in the home of two perfect strangers that Jennifer begins to divulge the years-long series of events that led to that upsetting phone call and her journey across the country.
EXPLORING CULTURAL ABUSE AND INEQUALITY
My Mother’s Pain explores the interconnected lives of several maternal figures. Beginning with Jennifer’s own mother, who ran away with Jennifer’s father when they were teenagers, Bidgoli examines the legacy of familial pain — specifically its burden on women — brought about by shame, betrayal and conflicting cultures. Bidgoli, who almost became a child bride herself at age 13 and, although she escaped that fate, did enter into a forced marriage at 17 in Iran, writes as a means of creating awareness of the inequalities and cultural abuse women face, especially within the Middle East.
In this novel, Bidgoli discusses Honor Killings, a practice in which a male family member will kill any female relative who has brought shame upon or dishonored the family as a means of restoring the family’s honor. Such dishonorable offences include running away and marrying a non-Muslim man — the very offense Jennifer’s mother, Marguerite, commit. Marguerite explains that “the pain of the family’s honor being tainted is viewed as so much more than the pain of killing their daughter. Honor in those families comes above love or the law.”
But Bidgoli doesn’t just throw weighty subjects like Honor Killings into the narrative without respect for the complexity of her characters. While it’s clear that both the author and many of her characters do not condone such practices, they acknowledge that these customs have a long and religious history, resulting in a pain that’s not easily escaped. Marguerite laments that she has “so much guilt from hurting” her family after running away to marry Jennifer’s father. Yet, we see through Jennifer’s recollection of her own childhood that Marguerite’s pain also stems from being separated from her family — even if, and perhaps because that separation was necessary for her own survival.
WOMEN’S PAIN AND WOMEN’S JOY
Of course, Marguerite is not the only woman whose pain Bidgoli explores in the novel. There’s Jennifer, who continues to experience the legacy of her mother’s pain alongside her own, and the women in the periphery of this story whose “self-worth rides on the success of their husband’s and children’s higher education and wealth,” meaning that their identity and status within their communities are tethered, for better or worse, to the actions of their family members.
Despite these heartbreaking elements, Bidgoli’s novel is not without its moments of joy. As Jennifer runs from pain, she finds herself in the position to share her immense wealth with not just one family but many. And eventually, Jennifer’s suffering along with the suffering of those around her is met with much-deserved relief.
My Mother’s Pain is a story about women’s pain, yes, but it’s also one of love — a daughter’s love for her family, a mother’s love for her child and a women’s love for a man whose family will not accept her. Some of those loves are painful, some joyful and other’s a force of nature. Ultimately, Bidgoli’s novel is one that respects the difficult choices carried on the backs of women.
To learn more about Fae Bidgoli, visit her BookTrib author profile page here.
