Seven Days of SHIVA by Marc Gellman
Seven Days of SHIVA by Marc Gellman is an unforgettable memoir about a romance that will make you smile, laugh, and cry.
Seized with grief at the loss of his beloved and vibrant wife Barbara after a 30-year battle with breast cancer, Marc Gellman does the only thing he finds he can do: he starts telling stories. This unique memoir is much more than a tribute to a departed love. Their story shows how a cancer journey seamlessly entwines through a four-decades-long love story.
You can check out our full review of Seven Days of SHIVA here — and in this Q&A, the author provides more insight into the book, its development and his emotions.
Q: Why was it important for you to write this book?
A: I felt empty and the need to shout out that it was the “power of love” that made our lives together a love story and for the world to understand a husband’s feelings. Even with all I now know about the excruciating experiences that Barbara and I faced, I have no regrets that I walked down the aisle over 50 years ago with Barbara. I would do it again.
To tell our story about our lives together filled with parties, singing and celebration. Our playful adventures and hijinks, of making the most of every silly moment in even the most serious of times. To search our love story through our lowest of lows to our highest of highs to understand, “Can a 40-year marriage still have been magical, romantic and filled with life, even with a 30-year struggle with cancer?”
Q: The book brings out a range of emotions in you and for the reader, but you interject humor and laughter into your recollections at a time of very sad and serious circumstances. Tell us about the power of humor in addressing and dealing with this topic.
A: When it came to a good laugh, there were few boundaries for me. Although Barbara thought certain things were crazy, she enjoyed how I wouldn’t let go of the silliness. Our story proves that outgrowing immaturity and reacting to all situations like a totally mature adult is highly overrated.
It was the power of our silliness that helped us to accept the emotional and physical scars that Barbara carried around with her. Barbara and I never outgrew the “kid” inside of us. It brought us back to when we were young, had less responsibilities, and thought we’d live forever. Our silliness never grew old and kept our love young in mind and spirit. And with our silliness, there was nothing that we couldn’t face and overcome together.
Q: I know you’ve written an entire book on it, but in a few words, tell us why your love affair with Barbara was different – and so special?
A: Barbara was the only girl that I ever said, “I love you” to. It first happened when I was 17 and Barbara was 15, standing in an embrace trying to keep warm on a very cold New Years Eve night in Times Square. Our love started from a puppy love for two teenagers who became one. Our hearts bonded from a romance that always ignited at the feeling of our lips and bodies touching each other’s.
There was a thrill and attraction that made me quiver each time I looked at Barbara and the hurt that came from being apart. When apart, we missed each other so. And when together, we were so into each other, oblivious to everything around us. We talked in the morning and then in the evening all through dinner, and until we kissed good night. Even now, I quiver as I picture her smile in my mind. And the hurt which comes from being apart doesn’t go away.
Q: Was this book hard to write — or therapeutic for you to get your stories down in words — or both?
A: Much of our story gave me belly laughs. The full portrait of our marriage was blessed with fun, goodness, and happiness. But as I wrote, I couldn’t shake loose how even the small things hurt hard and I came to realize there really aren’t any small things. The hurt comes on when I remember and feel the good times too.
Throughout writing our story, I could feel Barbara and me dancing. When I closed my eyes, I could see Barbara’s eyes and hear Frank Sinatra singing, “The Way You Look Tonight.” Barbara and I loved to dance, holding each other in our arms and feeling the softness of being cheek to cheek. As we danced, I felt our love and into Barbara’s ear I would sing along to all of Sinatra’s songs. Such memories and so much of writing of our love story have helped me to find peace and solace.
Q: What did you learn about yourself from writing this book?
A: My writing gave me cause to learn how resilient I wasn’t. I couldn’t imagine anyone being more in love with their wife than I was with Barbara. I learned of the grief that doesn’t go away. The grief I couldn’t get used to. The grief I feel shivering through my body and needed to learn how to accept and what I will need to overcome to go forward.
I’ve learned that my life has been beautiful, wondrous and so fulfilled. I have loved like, so few other people have. And it took me 185,000 words to learn the answer to my question, “Can a 40-year marriage still have been magical, romantic and filled with life, even with a thirty-year struggle with cancer?” The wonderfulness of writing our love story is that I learned the answer to be … Yes.
Q; How has your life progressed since you wrote the book a few years ago? What are you doing now? Are you in a relationship? Other?
A: I’ve done a lot of dating and have had some short-term relationships. But the new love in my life has become my writing. Our love story has been read across the United States and cities around the world. I’m finishing my second book and plan for three more. Plus, I write a weekly article on several Facebook sites and have over 2,000 followers.
Over the past four years, I’ve teamed up with my son to bring to market a new consumer product: a hygienic toothbrush holder, that we call NOOK. The United States Patent and Trademark Office has given me the official title, Inventor.
I’ve relocated to Miami Beach. Leaving my three children and three grandchildren in New Jersey was difficult. I miss them. Amidst all of my busyness, I’m still a hopeful romantic with plenty of love to share.
Q: What was the biggest challenge you faced while writing the book?
A: Writing through the sorrow and grief, while showcasing our wondrous loving romance filled with happiness and laughter that gave Barbara and me our happily-ever-after, made writing our story the most difficult project in my life. I searched deep into my soul to understand the courage and frame of mind that helped Barbara to thrive through the difficult times. I so needed to prove to myself that she felt good about her life, her accomplishments and her legacy.
I obsessed over searching for answers to such questions as: Did Barbara feel that she had a full life? What else could I have done for her? Barbara left me without us saying goodbye. Should we have said goodbye? Most importantly, despite all the difficult times, did Barbara have a life filled with the greatest happiness that, by far, overshadowed the difficult times? So often, I believed I had found the answers, but was always uncertain.
Q: If you could leave one message for readers, what would it be?
A: Reading of our love, I wish for you to become inspired by the beauty and wonder of your own relationship and love. That you will be encouraged to ignite a spark in a relationship that may need to be reawakened or reinvented, or to bring an already great relationship to a higher level. That you will be encouraged, while you can still touch that special person in your life, not to wait or put it off. Because there is only one now and there is so much that can be missed. For you to see that illness can entwine within your life without taking over. Don’t let illness rob you of your love story.
And for those of you, like me, who’ve lost that special person, I know that grieving sucks. But grieving does bring back to mind the beautiful memories of the moments we treasure. And I hope that you will find that grieving isn’t all that bad and that out of grief can come a smile.
About Marc Gellman:
After a lifetime of working for others, Marc Gellman now works for himself. After more than forty years focused on architectural design and real estate development projects, Marc has launched several new careers: writing, performing stand-up comedy, and creating and starring in “Benjamin’s Grandpa” videos.
Marc grew up in the East New York section of Brooklyn in the 1950s and ’60s. During the summers, his family — mom, dad and older brother — vacationed in the Rockaways of Queens, NY, a summertime beach community.
While attending college, Marc became a licensed real estate salesperson. He married one week after his 22nd birthday, two weeks before Barbara’s twentieth birthday. After graduation, the couple moved to rural New Jersey, where they raised three children. At first, Marc worked for a home builder and later grew his career at a management and design consulting firm. Now he’s a proud author and grandpa to three grandkids.
