Darlings!
It’s that time of year when everyone does the monster mash. Every Samhain, my papery abode is full of callers of the monstrous persuasion as we prepare for the All Hallow’s Ball. I love an evening of costumed couture! It’s terribly hard to outdo the Goblin King at these things, and the vamps really must step up their evening wear — yes, I mean you, Edward darling — but you’d be amazed at the creativity. My treasure Lizzy Bennett won last year when she came as a zombie. Did you ever? And of course, everyone at the fete wants romantic advice from Auntie, although I draw the line at doctors. I may be a woman of scientific mindset, but Jekyll and Frankenstein never follow my wise counsel. But you, my dark inklings, are far wiser. So, bring Auntie your monstruous dilemmas.
And watch those teeth. Love bites.
Ta for now,
— Aunt Libra
Running into Love
Dear Aunt Libra,
I hate to admit it, but I have a thing for my trainer. He’s big, beautiful, and on the hairy side. Really hairy. And he’s been great about the fact I kind of dropped a wedding cake on him when we met. But now that I’ve signed up to build my strength at his gym, he’s insisting that I let him do the heavy lifting. Is it possible to get him to respect my need for self-reliance? Macho behavior makes me howling mad.
— No Damsel in Distress
Dear DD —
You’re not the first woman to swoon over tall, dark and hairy. There’s something about a mate who makes you want to frolic under the moon, but be careful. If you run, he will chase you. The question is, do you want to be caught before you get him properly trained? A little positive reinforcement works wonders.
— Aunt Libra
Rumor Has it He’s the One
Dear Aunt Libra,
My town has made it sort of impossible to date because of some stupid gossip that I ate my family. 🙄 However, they’re about to make it up to me by introducing me to a duskwalker. OK, it’s more of a sacrifice than an introduction, and the alternative is prison, but whatever. And he’s kind of cute. I don’t even mind the whole skull thing and glowing eyes. Do you think we stand a chance?
— Visitor to the Veil
Dear Veil,
Dating is much more difficult than it was back in the day. I remember when a girl could attend a dance and the mamas would have a half dozen eligible suitors lined up between the quadrille and the waltz. I say take any opportunity to meet new dating prospects. But do stay away from the wendigo. I fear there’s no accounting for their taste.
— Aunt Libra
Too Bullish About Dating
Dear Aunt Libra,
Why won’t some people take a hint? Sleep with a guy one time and he thinks you’re his for life. He’s stubborn as an ox! All I want is to complete my training for the Royal Artifactual Guild, get a good job, and send some money home to mom. Is that too much to ask? But between this giant flirt and the dead people who keep annoying me, I can hardly concentrate. How do I get everyone to leave me alone?
— Curmudgeonly Clairvoyant
Dear Clair,
It’s amazing how certain parties get attached to ambitious partners, although in this case I have to wonder if there may be more to his interest than meets the eye. Not that you aren’t delightful, my dear, but he can be horny elsewhere. While you give that a ponder, Auntie counsels you start setting boundaries. Your unwanted conversation partners are just plain rude. Even the dead should have some manners.
— Aunt Libra
Flirting with Eldritch Entities
Dear Aunt Libra,
Is it really trespassing if you meet someone super cute in the process? I was trying to get the hang of my portal spells when I popped into The Endless. What a breakthrough, right? And the cutie I met isn’t exactly a person — she’s more like a breakaway bit of consciousness — but she’s getting the hang of individuality, and the shapeshifting is going well. You should see her tentacles! There is one teeny, tiny problem. The Endless isn’t exactly a location; it’s more like an all-devouring entity. Any advice on getting out of here before we’re on the dinner menu?
— Witching for Science
Dear Scientista,
People can be so cranky about unexpected visitors, but I know oodles of folks who met their special person by being in the wrong place at the right time. Belle. Claire Randall. Tom Canty.
Goldilocks. So, you have a teeny, tiny problem with being devoured. Every relationship has its problems. What matters is being there for each other. And leaving. Do that too.
— Aunt Libra
Auntie couldn’t help but notice that this week’s correspondents are having boundary issues. Remember my little booknuggets: relationships can be tricky, but the reward for doing the work is always a treat.
So, what do you think? Will DD figure out how to get tall, dark and hairy to see the pleasures in sharing the load? Has Veil gone a little too far to get away from her nosy neighbors? Can Clair get everyone to mind their manners so she can make time for love? Will Scientista get twisted up in a new romance? I get goosebumps just thinking about it!
Get out there and frolic this Halloween, my papery pumpkins. And don’t consume all the candy at once. Make the sweetness last.
Toodles,
— Aunt Libra
