Darlings!
Are you already back in school? That must be why my inbox has been absolutely inundated with missives from literary student types. Young love is so full of angst and drama — your auntie just adores it. Holden Caulfield has been urging me to listen to the voice of youth, so bring auntie your dilemmas about the one who makes you swoon. I’m sharpening my no. 2 yellow Ticonderoga pencil even as we speak.
Class is now in session.
Ta for now,
— Aunt Libra
Finding Someone Out of this World
Dear Aunt Libra,
Can you fall in love if you’re possessed by an evil grandmother spirit? Asking for a friend. See, there’s this girl from school who’s my best friend. She’s the first girl who ever talked to me, and we connected over the occult — she believed in the supernatural, and I believed in aliens — even though we didn’t agree. We agree now. How could we not after aliens unlocked her psychic powers, and I was possessed by the fearsome yokai, Turbo Granny? I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I need your help. I really want to let her know how I feel, but I freeze up every time she gets too close. What’s a guy to do?
— Fleet Feet Gone Frozen
Dear Froze Toes,
The path of young love is never a smooth one, darling, although it sounds like you and your high school sweetheart may have encountered some unusual obstacles. You seem like a shy young man, but don’t let timidity — or alien encounters — stand in the way of sharing your heart.
— Aunt Libra
Getting the Home Fires to Burn
Dear Aunt Libra,
Why won’t my father kiss my mother? Mama is very beautiful and very kind and very strong, and Papa really should just kiss her already. They do great on missions together, although he doesn’t know she’s really an assassin, and she doesn’t know he’s a master spy. I know they got married because Papa adopted me, but if they fell in love, it would make their beautiful and brilliant daughter Anya, who does very well at school, and her dog Bond, very happy. Then we could all stay together as a family.
Would perfume help?
— Grownup Who Wants Smooches
Dear Smooches,
What is the perfume of love? My darling, I fear that you’re not ready to learn about pheromones. As a wise person, I’m sure you know that grownups must decide whether to kiss for themselves. While I’d like to tell you that behaving and doing your homework will help, here’s the truth: grownups can be very foolish. But that doesn’t mean you can’t tell your Mama and Papa how much you love them. And while it’s adorable you think that your parents are some kind of secret agents, maybe keep that between us. Adults tend to overreact when a child goes all Charlie Thorne.
— Aunt Libra
There’s Something About That Guy
Dear Aunt Libra,
I work in a music shop after school — it’s the only place where I can really be myself. The other day, this cute girl came in. Her name is Aya, and she sits next to me in class. We really hit it off, but I don’t think she knew it was me. I like to dress in band T-shirts, hoodies and jeans at work, and I think she thought I was a guy. I know I should tell her, but I kind of want to get to know her better first. Would that be so bad?
— Music Shop Mysterioso
Dear Mysterioso,
Is there anything more divine than someone being attracted to the real you? My sweet music maven, please do not confuse the schoolgirl you are required to be with the person beneath the uniform. I think getting to know Aya is a delightful idea. In spite of her present confusion, she may see you more clearly than you see yourself.
— Aunt Libra
The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn’t a Guy at All by Arai Sumiko
Pencils down, everyone! This has been quite the quiz for your auntie. Will Froze Toes gather his courage and confess that his feelings are out of this world? Will Smooches understand that she has no control over what her parents do? Will Mysterioso let her friend truly get to know her? I can’t wait to find out their final grades.
Until next time, my bookish scholars. Get out there and learn about love!
Toodles,
— Aunt Libra
