Wagner’s Backbone: Step up and be a man

Backbone: The Modern Man’s Ultimate Guide to Purpose, Passion and Power by David H. Wagner

That’s what David H. Wagner attempts to answer in his latest book, Backbone: The Modern Man’s Ultimate Guide to Purpose, Passion and Power (Watkins Publishing, May 5, 2015). Wagner seeks to separate the stereotypical “guy” – which he dubs a “half-baked, two-dimensional version of a man – from the exceedingly happy and powerful man. Indeed, these are two very different things and being a man, and one who admittedly struggled (and still struggles) with many of the weaknesses Wagner outlines in his book, I have only one thing to say: Bravo.

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These days, it almost seems like strength of character and confidence is automatically viewed as cockiness or pompousness. I honestly think we’ve reached the point where if a man looks someone in the eye, makes a strong, unwavering statement, and doesn’t flinch, he’s either seen as an arrogant jerk or a potentially aggressive and offensive individual. This is indicative of a society where wishy-washiness and mumbling have become the norm; where many people seem to have the social graces of a monkey. Charm and charisma are out the door and self-consciousness and extreme humbleness are “in.”

While Backbone isn’t really about the degrading of social ability, I did get the sense that in his preaching of strength, he’s hearkening back to a time when strong men were simply strong men; they weren’t viewed as vice-ridden womanizers (ala “Mad Men”). Granted, some men were like that – hence the TV show that, from what I hear, is quite an accurate depiction of that time period – but we’ve overstepped. Now we think anyone with confidence is like that.

To me, Wagner is simply promoting maturity. A maturity we’ve lost. Men used to have a backbone; now they really don’t. This is about striking a balance; you realize that being strong and confident doesn’t make you an instant jackass, and anyone who views it as such has their own self-esteem problems. The book also promotes something to which I lend a lot of weight: Self-examination. It feels like everyone is actually scared to do this; that what they’ll find is simply too terrifying to bear. Well, as Wagner says, we simply have to “choose the kind of man we want to be.” Want a keener sense of self and purpose? Dive deep and see what you find. It’s the only way we can truly grow as human beings.

One could interpret “conscious masculine core strength” in a number of ways. Personally, I interpret it as a critical element of male life, and just because you have that strength doesn’t mean you can’t also have compassion, kindness, tolerance, sensitivity, etc. Again, it’s a balance. But Wagner rightfully points out that too many men have simply forgotten what it’s like to be powerfully driven, to wake up every morning, happy with yourself and confident in the day’s tasks. Maturity is confidence and vice versa. It’s rising above the pettiness and smallness; it’s a fearless, life-loving existence for which we should all strive.

And I will always have the greatest respect for any man who tackles life in this fashion. For my part, I’ll keep trying. I owe it to myself.