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The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies says farewell to Middle Earth

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Aloha, hobbits. Arrivaderci, elves. Au revoir, orcs. Auf wiedersehen, wizards. Sayonara, Shire. Hasta Manana, Middle-Earth. I guess what we’re trying to say is — ta-ta, Tolkien films. It’s with heavy hearts that we make the long and perilous journey to the local megaplex theater in the heart of the Shopping Mall of Doom, all the while battling malevolent Hordes of Holiday Shoppers, so that we can bear witness to Peter Jackson’s final J.R.R. Tolkien film, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, which opens Wednesday. “Final?” you say. “It can’t be the final Tolkien film. What about The Silmarillion? Or other, less well-known Tolkien works, like The Legend of Sigurd and Gudrún, or The Fall of Arthur? Surely, Jackson…

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