Dearly Departed: Boys Who Need to Bounce

I’m a big fan of romance. My motto is: the more kissing, the better. And for the most part, I’m willing to give characters the benefit of the doubt. For example, her old flame just showed up and he’s wreaking havoc in her life? No problem. Her new co-worker keeps giving her the eye? Let’s see what happens.

But every once in a while I run into a couple that just doesn’t work. Their love is too needy, too filled with lies and cheating, or just plain boring. So, armed with a vivid imagination and the power of the Internet, I’ve decided to “fix” these broken couples, even though it may result in a “ship” war. Here are two relationships I wish could get a do-over — and the person she should have picked instead. In other words, these leading ladies needed to give these boys the bounce.

Twilight: Edward and Bella

Bella_and_edward_ she should dump him
Twilight‘s Bella and Edward

On paper, Edward might seem like the perfect guy. He’s sweet, loving, saves himself for Bella, and protects her at every turn. I’m not even too worried about the hundred-year age difference. No, my biggest issue with Edward is how controlling he gets.

Watching Bella sleep for months without her knowledge is not cute or romantic. It’s practically stalking. Taking out the engine of her car so she can’t visit Jacob – who he’s forbidden her from seeing – is bordering on sociopathic. Overall, Edward treats Bella like an infant he just happened to fall in love with (we’re looking at you, Jacob). Which is just creepy. And also gross.

Who She Should Have Ended Up With:

the wicked lovely melissa marrSeth from Wicked Lovely, Melissa Marr (HarperCollins, 2007).

Let’s be clear: I’m not Team Edward or Team Jacob. Where Edward is controlling, Jacob is too pushy, literally forcing himself on Bella until she reluctantly admits that she loves him. No, I think Bella needs to get the hell out of the Twilight universe and go shack up with Seth from Wicked Lovely.

Both Seth and Bella know what it’s like to fall for otherworldly beings. They also know what it’s like to give up their humanity for the ones they love. Seth’s sexy gentleness is probably exactly what Bella needs: he would give her the freedom to make her own choices, while still being there for her. And Bella’s obsessive love would work for Seth, too. Instead of getting jerked around by Aislinn’s feeling (she’s torn between him and the Fae Summer King) he’d have a girl who didn’t constantly question her love for him.

Sex and the City: Carrie and Big

Carrie-and-Mr.-Big-in-Sex-and-the-City-2_gallery_primary
Sex and the City‘s Carrie and Big

For six long years, Big toyed with Carrie’s feelings. One minute he loves her, the next he’s moving to California to run a winery. Even in the movie, he basically leaves her at the altar. But Every. Single. Time. Carrie forgives him and goes running back. The one seemingly healthy relationship she has with Aidan is consistently sabotaged by Big, and makes cheaters out of both of them. I’m honestly not sure why we were ever supposed to root for this toxic relationship to begin with.

Who She Should Have Ended Up With:

the_walking_dead_rick_grimes_andrew_lincoln_93647_2048x2048Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead.

It’s a weird match, but just hear me out. Carrie is the queen of superficiality. The world of The Walking Dead doesn’t really have time for a lot of discussions about shoes. Rick would not put up with her frivolous lifestyle  – he has too many zombies to kill. His presence in her life would help lend her a gravitas she desperately needs at times.

Oppositely, she would bring a lightness to Rick that he’s sorely lacking these days. Look, we get why he’s lacking it – zombies and survival and all – but it doesn’t always make him fun to be around. Carrie’s analytical nature would help balance out his taciturn ways, and they’d probably have some great discussions about life while they were, you know, killing zombies and buying shoes or whatever.

Do these switch-ups enrage you? Which leading ladies would you prefer ended up with someone new? Tweet at us or tell us in the comments below!

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