Dear TV Shows: Why I’m Breaking Up with You

I’m a big fan of television, which is why I’m always raving about the new shows I’ve fallen in love with. From Netflix’s Sense8 to ABC’s Fresh Off the Boat, I’m willing to give pretty much anything a shot. And once I’ve fallen for a show, I’m loyal to a fault, watching for years and years, and trusting that the creators are going to consistently deliver an awesome product.

Even when they don’t, I tend to stick around, hoping and praying the magic will come back (hello, Nashville). But sometimes there are shows that never seem to bounce back. Shows that get caught up in boring drama, irrational deaths and terrible writing, leaving almost nothing left to love or root for. That’s when I just can’t take it anymore. So, for the Fall 2015 lineup, here are the TV shows I am officially breaking up with. Just to be clear: it’s not me, it’s definitely them.

Grey’s Anatomy

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Dear Grey’s: from the start, your backstage drama has been almost as interesting as what’s happening on the screen. Isaiah Washington gets fired for being homophobic. Katherine Heigl disses creator Shonda Rhimes and leaves your show in a flurry of backhanded insults. But despite the turbulent cast, I’ve stayed committed for 11 long seasons. What kept me there? Mostly Meredith Grey and McDreamy. Sure, their relationship was fraught with plane crashes and adoptions and secret wives, but I didn’t care: I’ve been invested in their love for over a decade. Well, in case you’ve been living under a rock, you know that Rhimes just killed off Derek Shepard. In a car accident. Because, supposedly, he stopped getting along with Rhimes and his costars. Great. Awesome. I’m so glad I wasted 11 years of my life on your crap. So, because of your fickleness and storytelling that consistently gets ruined by off-screen drama, I am officially done with you Grey’s Anatomy. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Instead Try: Chicago Fire. Featuring hot firefighters instead of doctors, but still plenty of drama and strange medical ailments.

The Vampire Diaries

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Let’s get real, TVD: you should have been canceled years ago. When your main character jumps ship, as Nina Dobrev did last season, you know something isn’t right. At this point, you’re just throwing romantic couples at the wall and hoping something sticks. Sure, Stefan and Caroline have some potential. But Damon without Elena just doesn’t make sense to me. And romances aside, your vampire-parts aren’t even interesting anymore. Everyone has died and come back from the dead so many times it’s getting ridiculous. Sometimes you just need to know when to call it quits. Which is why I’m officially quitting you.

Instead Try: Supernatural. Here’s a CW show that has been on forever, but is still telling solid paranormal stories.

Reign

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I liked you Reign, I really did. When you premiered two years ago, you were just the right amount of dramatic and campy, not taking yourself too seriously even as you totally sold me on the romantic relationship between Mary, Queen of Scots, and Prince Francis. And, yeah, you aren’t very historically accurate—your styling looks like Urban Outfitters threw up on the Middle Ages and everyone keeps making out in corridors to current pop music. But there was something so fun and lively about you; I could have watched your slow montage kiss scenes forever. And then we hit Season 2. Yikes. You ruined relationships, played up the wrong kind of drama and just generally, well, sucked. You stopped being fun, Reign, and that’s the only reason I was in this to begin with.

Instead Try: Outlander. A historical drama and sweeping romance done right.

Modern Family

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This one hurts, I’m not going to lie. You hooked me from the beginning, Modern Family, with your quirky characters and realistic-but-still-funny family dynamics. But lately I’ve been getting a little…bored. Yes, we get it: Phil is sensitive. Gloria is hot. Claire is uptight. Cam is flamboyant. Everyone is falling harder and harder into their stereotypes, erasing a lot of the fresh feeling you had in the beginning. You don’t feel original anymore, just a little tired and played out. We had a good run, Modern Family, but I’m walking away before I start resenting you.

Instead Try: Fresh Off the Boat. Hilarious, moving and full of quirky characters who continue to defy stereotypes.

Recommended Reading:

51OWsHG9aML._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt

Whether you’re breaking up with a guy or a show, pick up this self-help guide. Surprisingly hilarious, it will walk you through the steps and stages of a breakup, and offer some invaluable advice. Like how to avoid pitfalls and why you shouldn’t call him. I’ll remember this the next time I’m staring at my television set, reminding myself that it’s truly over.

Horrified by my breakup choices? Have your own TV-breakups this year? Let us know in the comments!

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