We know so much about celebrities these days, their lives and loves, their problems and sorrows. Wherever we go, we’re informed of their whereabouts and family life, wardrobes and style. Whatever ails a celebrity, it surely seems more exciting and heightened than the lives of others. Who among us isn’t intrigued with their relationships, ever curious about how it all plays out.
The media suffuses us with information — one would be hard pressed, for instance, to not know the ups and downs of celebrity friendships — it’s as newsworthy as celebrity romance. Perhaps we ordinary mortals believe that stars have more loaded or intense friendships, ones worth reading about, worth imagining (remember Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie’s breakup? remember that Denise Richards and Heather Locklear were once friends before Richards got involved with Locklear’s ex?).
Maybe it’s a case of how we are so aware of a celebrity’s troubles and joys that we take them more seriously than our own. Or it soothes us to know that they feel what we feel; this makes us less alone and more identified with them in this theatre called life.
When I saw Lindsay Lohan’s picture first pop up in people.com and Usmag.com, carrying my book, Toxic Friends: The Antidote for Women Stuck in Complicated Friendships, last week, it was gratifying. Think for a moment of the stereotype of an author, holed up in a quiet room for months at a time, writing away, imagining who will read her book one day. Writers hope for book signings, speaking gigs, tv appearances, and most importantly, a readership. For Toxic Friends, I interviewed women between the ages of 20 and late 70’s, all across the country. No matter what their age, their social status, their finances, their careers, what was so striking is how eerily alike the frustrations were with their friends. It was almost as if what played out in high school was still going on in retirement communities when it came to jealousy or competition, one woman being the ‘leader’, another a ‘doormat’, a ‘misery lover’, a ‘user’. I realized that women need to get started early, to fix these friendships and have some solutions up their sleeves. It’s a rare woman, famous or not, who doesn’t want to sort out her female friendships, figure out why she has suboptimal friends, and why she herself might be a bit toxic, (which is hard for anyone to admit). The goal for any of us is to establish healthy, authentic friendships. The issue of complicated female friendships isn’t going away any time soon, and celebrities sometimes remind us of the drama of it all, and the search for solutions. This is, in fact, a good thing — because let’s face it, their lives will always be more fascinating than ours.
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