The great equalizer just may be fear

I’ve been thinking lately about my relationship with fear.  I’m a fan of the horror and thriller genres, I write twisty psychological suspense novels for a living, and I’d rather spend an evening walking through a haunted house than hanging out at a cocktail party.  I’ve been courting fear for a long time now, but I realize that it’s like a wild animal and it can hurt me if it wants to.

“You should stay away from fear,” I can imagine my mother admonishing me.  “It’s up to no good.”

“I know it,” I reply, and then jump on the back of its motorcycle and head off into the night.

It’s more than just the adrenalin rush, I think, although that’s certainly part of it.  Fear is a primitive emotion.  It doesn’t respond to logic or rational thought.  It doesn’t care about social etiquette.  It shows up when it wants to and sticks around for as long as it damn well pleases.  It’s the great equalizer—because whether you’re a CEO or a janitor, a middle aged white man or a refugee from a war-torn part of Africa, fear is going to treat you both the same.  I like that.

I also like what it does to us, its ability to quickly focus our minds on what’s truly important.  You didn’t get the promotion?  Got a scratch mark on your brand new car?  Try a taste of real fear and see how many of your daily irritations and disappointments are left standing.  It’s a beautiful thing, an awakening—a reminder that we’re all on borrowed time so we’d better not waste it on the crap that truly doesn’t matter.

Here’s another thing about fear: it shouldn’t be ignored.  When it shows up, it’s there for a reason.  And whether it’s just an uneasy vibe you get from the guy watching you from the other side of the street, or it’s four in the morning and your teenager isn’t home yet from the party, the fear in your gut is a response to a possible threat.  It’s there to alert you, to help you if it can, and to ignore it and not act on it is usually a mistake.

So say what you will about fear, how it’s a bad influence and the entertainment genres that dwell on it are considered “low art” and lurk on the bottom rung of civilization’s ladder.  It makes no difference to me.  I’ve never picked my friends based on popularity or social standing, anyway.  I’ll continue to hang out with fear whenever I can.  Quite possibly, it’s corrupting me as we speak.  But maybe—just maybe—it’s making me a better person.

Either way, it’s one hell of a ride.

 

Guest post by:

John Burley worked as a paramedic and firefighter before attending medical school in Chicago and completing an emergency medicine residency at University of Maryland Medical Center and Shock Trauma in Baltimore.  His debut novel, THE ABSENCE OF MERCY, received the National Black Ribbon Award, which recognizes a novelist who brings a fresh voice to suspense writing. He currently serves as an emergency department physician in northern California. He is hard at work on his next novel.

Praise for THE ABSENCE OF MERCY:

“Using his experience as an emergency room physician, Burley skillfully uses the step-by-step discovery of evidence to ratchet up the tension in his debut novel. . . . A smart, disturbing and heartbreaking thriller.” (Kirkus Reviews)
“[A] chilling debut. . . . Burley sensitively portrays parents dealing with damage and loss . . . in this relentlessly readable thriller that will leave readers of suspense waiting for more.” (Booklist)