Sex — this was a subject I did not want to discuss, much less write about. I grew up in a Baptist household in Oklahoma after all. My parents didn’t want to talk about sex or as far as I could tell even acknowledge that it existed. Later when I became a Tibetan Buddhist nun, the internal and now external prohibition on sex and sexuality was further solidified.

When I first met the man who is now my husband (this was after my years as a Tibetan Buddhist nun), and he told me that his work was counseling men with sexual addiction I remember clearly the feeling of wanting to stick my fingers in my ears while loudly shouting la-la-la-la. That was quickly followed by the immediate conclusion that this man was not someone I would want to talk with ever again.

But life being the jokester that it can be led me to get to know this man with the career that was initially oh-so-embarrassing to hear about. But it didn’t end there. I learned that he is a recovering sex addict. After we were married I found my skills as a teacher, counselor, and coach allowed me to join my husband in his work. I now support and guide the wives and partners of these men with what I had considered to be such an unmentionable and embarrassing problem. I have discovered that these men and women are ordinary people who just happened to have a problem with how sex and sexuality manifests in their lives.

So here I am writing, talking, and teaching about sex and sexuality and how this very beautiful and natural part of our lives and expression as humans can go awry in such a way that its natural pleasures are overridden and subverted. We have seen couples move through the painful discovery of sex addiction to a rebuilding of the relationship that is even deeper and more intimate. In our book, “A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction,” we have mapped out the journey we have seen many couples take.

We have personally experienced how difficult relationships can be at times. The challenges of relating openly with an intimate partner can be like a master class in human interaction. But we also know that when you have two people who have the willingness to work with the painful feelings and emotions that arise when dealing with a difficult life passage, there is an opportunity for growth, awareness, freedom and ultimately deeper love and intimate connection.

Paldrom Collins works with her husband, George Collins, counseling individuals and couples across the country by phone and in Walnut Creek, California at Compulsion Solutions, which was founded by George in 1995.

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